Fireworks

It's July 4th...congrats America!

i was watching fireworks on tv few mins ago...and then I turn it off right away for no reason...I dont feel like watching it by myself anymore...It made me feel lonely....

I dunno~ I'm having mood swing soo often these days that sometimes I don't seem like I know myself anymore. I guess mood swings is a unique characteristic of being a woman...an excuse to "fat pei hei" or feeling down...hahaa...

The feeling of being lonely is....soo weird and odd...It's like, for a second...your life is all filled up with what you want...and the next second, you find out there's no one you can share your joys with. It's also like...when you look around and there's no one who can understand you. No even the ones that claim to be your "best friends". This is not a complaint against the fact that I don't have a companion in my life yet, rather, this is just something that upset me a little...that in fact, not even my so-called "best friends" are willing to understand what I think....at all.

When everyone is so obsessed with what's going on in their lives, It's getting harder for them (and for me) to get to know someone. If someone is willing to keep up with the friendship...they wouldn't just leave me hanging there and accused me of being inconsiderate or insensitive. I often wonder why....when they need help..they would come to me for advise and expect me to help them....but when I'm down...no one would want to take my back.

It's not the first time...and I know for sure that it won't be the last time. I'm tired of this whole "friendship" thing. It will never get me to anywhere. I'm tireed of being the "funny girl" in front of you. I'm tired of being the good listener in front of you. I'm tired of being accused with something that I never do. I'm tired of being ignored. I'm tired of you.

Can someone get me out of this mess?